Today is a shitty day. I've been rolling with turmoil and ass-hattery in just about every possible venue today - from disturbing and not-so-hopeful news on the family front to having one of those mornings when I tried on 7,231,498 outfits that were neither attractive nor comfy before giving up and just being uncomfy and poorly dressed. On top of that, I've had one of those work situations that makes me want to tear my hair out and spent the day sorting through that uselessness. Oh, and then there's the way I'm feeling so frustrated with my spiritual community on about sixty levels - most of which leads me to miss the days when I thought organized religion was for suckers. Well, actually, I still kinda do, and always did, but for some reason I thought finding a religious tradition that lined up with my values would somehow be different; turns out not so much.
I believe there's hope out there, but I don't see it right now. My head hurts and my blood pressure is probably through the roof, and extensive application of Qi Gong and yoga and deep breathing and acupressure both last night and this morning and all day long....aren't helping. I'm cranky and pissy and short and just plain fucking DONE.
Why can't just ONE thing in my life be simple and uncomplicated? Huh?? WHY?!?!!
I am perpetually frustrated and amused by people with what I consider narrow definitions for things like "nature" and "spirit" and "magic." Maybe because I spend most of my time in awe of whatever is around me, but I just have trouble limiting "sacred space" to churches or "holy" sites or ritual space. My cubicle is sacred space - home to my workday and watched over by magnetic frogs, Dogbert, a mini-globe and a small statue of Buddha. My back porch is sacred space - a little time spent communing with my tomatoes and snapdragons consistently takes my breath away. And nature isn't just sacred groves fifty miles from a telephone - it's in front yards and alleyways and hardwood floors and windowpanes and every single breath I take, regardless of where I am. Even surrounded by concrete and steel, nature reigns supreme; weeds never stop growing between blocks of pavement.
Magic isn't relegated to the times when we invite it; the world is filled with it and overflowing! I don't understand why some people need to try to box it in and dress it up with trappings and complications. For me, it doesn't need all that. It is itself, always, regardless of our acknowledgement. The universe doesn't need my permission to be what it is - and to pretend otherwise seems silly and arrogant.
I honor the fact that others might have a different relationship with or nderstanding of the universe...but I continue to be baffled by it, and I'm having trouble finding room in my heart or schedule for people who hold themselves separate from the magic of the universe in order to present the appearance of a Powerful Priestess. Ugh.
I was ambling around the internets yesterday afternoon, looking for a particularly obscure song I last heard ten years ago and had no idea of artist or even title. All I remembered was a snippet of lyric (and a passionate vocal performance that put me in tears every time I heard it), so I typed that snippet into my good friend Google and started sifting through links to find the artist or title or something, and maybe even an mp3 if I was exceptionally lucky. I was.
But in my quest for this song (which just happened to be one of those overly sappy sentimental power ballads that were all the rage in the mid-'90s), I stumbled onto an internet memorial page for a kid named Nick who died in a car accident when he was 17. The page was created by his little brother (now a grown man), and had pictures of Nick with all his family, various friends, girlfriends, having all kinds of fun - the usual snapshots you'd expect in a photo album for a 17 year old. Reading the captions, seeing the youthful energy, knowing it ended before he dove into the juiciest bits of life, before he got to really flex his muscles and see what wonders he could bring to the world....it struck me. Such a waste. Such a useless, tragic waste - and one that happens every day in so many ways. So many people - ones who aren't being killed in car crashes or pointless wars or domestic violence or genocide or famine or terrorism - are not giving the best of themselves to the world. It's a crying fucking shame, and it takes my breath away.
So, 17 year old Nick...you've been remembered today by a total stranger. May the next life (whatever it is) give you a chance. And may the rest of us not waste our chances.
A fillet of interesting sites to sate your appetite for useful information to make you question the usual crap the world is feeding your brain....
Grist's Ask Umbra talks about consumption and action. Also from Grist Step It Up 2 (also here) looks freaking awesome.
Sandy Szwarc's Junk Food Science is always good reading, but this article in particular caught my eye. If you scroll down to Glenn Gaesser's "Calorie Myths" lecture on this page, you can listen to or download the podcast - it's great information, accessibly delivered, about diet and exercise and some goddamned sense. Brilliant.
I love this list of the "Greatest Scientific Mysteries" from LiveScience. Some of these questions are my favorite ones to ponder when I'm feeling brainy and restless. And holy crap do I know some people who need to play Carnegie Mellon University's Anti-Phishing Game and learn how to spot a scam!!
Also, for Chicago locals, the Chicago Humanities Festival is coming in October and Novemeber, and the theme is "Region of Change," and centers on environmental impact and various aspects of the green movement. Freakin' brilliant!! Also, check out Chicago Fair Trade for information on how to get fair trade goods in Chicago.
Enjoy!
I watched Across the Universe over the weekend. Overall, I loved this film. There are some brilliant sequences, and I don't just mean cinematography or acting or the music itself (which were all present to varying degrees)...but it was the overall orchestration that was so impressive. The choreography, the way history and politics and music wove together, the visual impact, the performances....it all came together in a couple places so strongly that it was jaw-dropping and breathtaking. In particular, "Let It Be" really grabbed me - it combined funerals for a little boy killed in race riots in Detroit and a soldier killed in Vietnam; the performances by the little boy (Timothy Mitchum, apparently) and Carol Woods (an ass-kicking gospel singer) were amazing. My hair stood up and I balled like a baby, it was so beautiful. There were other standout sequences - the interpretation of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand," the draft board sequence with "I Want You," the intense version of "Strawberry Fields," the gorgeous harmonies of "Because." All very well done.
The biggest upshot of the film? Now I want to learn some more Beatles covers. And revamp my version of "Let It Be!"
Today's Playlist:
"Love of My Life" - Queen
"Never Yours" - Tracy Chapman
"Desire" - Ryan Adams
"Take Me Away (Acoustic)" - Lifehouse
"I'll Take Care of You" - The Dixie Chicks
"Are U That Somebody" - The Gossip
"Sho Heen" - Kate Rusby
"I'm Yours" - Jason Mraz
"Can't Cry Hard Enough" - Williams Brothers
"I'll Stand By You" - The Pretenders
"To Make You Feel My Love" - Garth Brooks
Recent entries...
27 December 2007: 2007: Finis.
17 December 2007: A ruse, a rant, and a poem. It's short.
11 December 2007: Music & falling....story of my life.
08 December 2007: Briefly...ish.
29 November 2007: A poem, a rant, a lesson.