So, BP has caved to the locals and decided not to exceed their current levels of Lake Michigan pollution. This is a good sign, but not freaking enough. These guys totally market themselves as "Beyond Petroleum," some sort of eco-conscious alternative "energy" company, as if their mainstay isn't good ol' petrol, and their efforts to get into alternative fuel isn't tied directly into future market shares as opposed to, you know, a sustainable planet. Furthermore, BP is responsible for oil spills, pipeline leaks, oil field fires, and numerous other environmental disasters on a regular basis. On top of that, they're exploring oil options and expanding their operations in various African countries...and while I haven't done the research yet, I'm doubtful they're taking the steps needed to avoid doing business with governments that engage in terrorism or torture or child slavery or any of the other atrocities rampant in so many African countries. (I'll probably rant at length once I learn more about their African operations. You know, in case you were worried I'd keep the info to myself.))

My point is that BP might be (emphasis on *might*) willing to roll back its plan to release more sludge into the lake outside my back door - but that doesn't make it less of a horrible corporation that survives at the expense of wildlife, human rights, and the environment.

And you know what's sad? I'd wager that almost *every* multi-national corporation has a track record just as bad. I'm not exactly anti-capitalist....but wow am I taking steps closer to it practically every day. This is why, in twenty years when I'm an aging hippie, I'll be living in a cabin in the woods, growing my own food, with a sheep for milk and wool to make all my own clothes. You know, or something like that.

I was thinking the other day about how this blog has evolved over the years (if you count the old - locked and private - version, it's been over six years!!). Since taking it public, and linking it up to my website, I have very much shifted the nature of what I write about, how much I write, and the level of detail I'm willing to go into. When I first started writing, back in the days where it was relatively anonymous and nobody I knew in real life read what I had to say, I would go into excruciating detail - kvetching about roommates and talking about romantic trials and tribulations in close-to-TMI territory, not to mention griping about the job and coworkers and anything else that popped into my head. I didn't really consider that many people would read...or that anything I had to say would really have an effect beyond just me.

The first time I ripped some folk musician or other, I had quite the rude awakening. This dude confronted me about where the hell I got off saying his buddies sucked, when I wasn't any better and was obviously making excuses for my musical shortcomings. It's kinda funny in retrospect, because I'm in a place now where I would absolutely laugh at this jackass and ask him where he got off jumping down my throat for having taste different from his. At the time, though, it shook me a little...and I started to recognize that a public diary....is, er, public.

Nowadays, I'm wary of getting too detailed, too personal in what I write about here. I used to recap conversations verbatim....I mean, hell, I have some crazy conversations that are worth reading. I used to give play-by-play recaps of date nights and type up all my obsessive overanalyses about what he meant when he said this or that. Now, I barely even mention when I'm seeing someone, and I'm leery of directly recapping any events that happen to me that involve anyone else I know. Who knows who's reading what, and who knows who might be offended or surprised or frightened by my unfiltered and untempered opinions and thoughts. I'm blunt and judgmental, and when it comes down to it, I'll most likely tell anybody anything I think about them...but I might phrase it differently (let's face it, venom can be pretty comical).

But part of my rejection of the culture of celebrity and the illusion of the internet is a recognition that this diary is not me - the people who read it most likely don't actually *know* me - and I don't want to create a situation where anyone who I haven't expressly allowed into the inner sanctum of my heart/mind/soul/whatever...feels entitled to get access to my private ramblings. My personal life....is personal, and it's mine. And I guess over the years I've discovered that that's okay.

On the other hand, though, this exercise of typing up my thoughts, of putting it down in orderly sentences and paragraphs designed to communicate to someone else...it helps me get my own thoughts in order, to look at my situations as objectively as I can and figure out how I feel and what I think. It also creates this handy-dandy record of what the hell I'm doing and what the hell is going on with me...which I will admit my self-centered, er, self really enjoys looking back on. I love knowing what I was doing a year ago, two years ago, four years ago. I like reminding myself that my life has a storyline with lots of character development. Or at least it seems that way to me....but I might be biased.

Even without all the crazy detail I used to indulge in writing up, I guess this process has value for me, which is why I keep doing it. Part of me misses feeling safe to type up every little reaction and thought and possibility I saw...but the rest of me still enjoys finding ways to walk myself through it without crossing that line. Not to mention the ranting. I love ranting.

Someone e-mailed me this joke, and I have been giggling all day long: A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says, "I'll take a beer and one for the road."

I'm feeling restless today. I had a conversation the other day with a friend where we talked semi-seriously about how it would be possible for me to live out of an RV - how we could green up a gas-guzzling energy hog (biofuels? recycling kitchen grease?), how I'd have to get a good set of tools and put my mechanical skills to work, how I'd have to try to get freelance work and sing for my supper to cobble together a decent living. We talked about how I could still grow plants, how cats could adapt to living in a space on wheels, how the space would shift things there. We talked about the initial investment, and how much that would suck.

Part of me is horrified with the idea. Part of me dreads the uncertainty, the not knowing if I'd be able to make enough money to feed myself, pay bills, travel around. Part of me thinks I'd be miserable, driving from place to place, staying for a little while, doing whatever work I could find, never knowing where I'd be going or whether I'd be solvent or stable, not having reliable contact with the people I care about. It could be really lonely and scary.

Part of me thinks it would be spectacular, though. I mean, if it was done right, it could absolutely work. A laptop with wi-fi, a national cellular plan, good contacts and a willingness to take on any kind of work I could find...it could work. If I got more ambitious about writing, I could probably scare up some freelance work there, maybe do some proofreading, maybe some web design...plus I could probably make various stuff to sell, whether on eBay or art fairs and that kind of thing. I could probably tap into the Rennie social network, not to mention all the pagans I know, and work those contacts to get good musical gigs. I could probably rock a lot of barter, if I put my mind to it. Knitting and sewing and building and that kind of thing....I could probably manage.

Seriously...it would be a wild thing to do. I wonder if part of me will ever stop longing to try it out?

Maybe I should save up, buy an RV, take a vacation and see what happens. Hm.

Today's Playlist:

"Winter" - Joshua Radin
"Dust in the Wind" - Kansas
"World Goes Madly On" - The Weepies
"Dear Chicago" - Ryan Adams
"Mr. Curiosity" - Jason Mraz
"This Grudge" - Alanis Morrissette
"Something's Missing" - John Mayer
"Cocoon" - Jack Johnson
"Much Farther To Go" - Rosie Thomas
"The Park" - Feist
"Motorcycle Drive By" - Third Eye Blind
"Say It To Me Now" - Glen Hansard

Recent entries...
27 December 2007: 2007: Finis.
17 December 2007: A ruse, a rant, and a poem. It's short.
11 December 2007: Music & falling....story of my life.
08 December 2007: Briefly...ish.
29 November 2007: A poem, a rant, a lesson.