I have a history of letting things go in three year cycles. Friends, pursuits, living situations....they tend to last for three years or so, and then they don't. Well, if I'm honest, three years is the outside; sometimes, it's more like six months or a year.
My point is that I am typically good at getting out the scissors and cutting the ties. Sometimes I mourn, sometimes I wonder and even flirt with regret....but I cut away the stuff that I'm ready to move on without.
I've hacked precious things out of my life before. Friends, when my non-negotiables were crossed. Places I loved, relationships I wanted so badly I could taste and smell them every waking moment. But...something happened, or something was said, or things changed...and I made the hard call - to move on.
There are things in my life right now standing on that knife edge, and I have heretofore resisted the urge to release them and move on, trying to shift what I have seen as a pattern in my life, again and again. I'm beginning to wonder if that pattern is such a bad thing. The scissors are rusty these days, and maybe it's time to remind myself how to use them.
Death and The Tower showed up in readings over the weekend, for the first time in a very long time that either of those old friends have said hello. I'm wondering if maybe they're coming back with a message maybe I've been avoiding. Maybe Saturn isn't through with me.
Maybe there's an ending around here somewhere with my name on it.
Recent entries...
27 December 2007: 2007: Finis.
17 December 2007: A ruse, a rant, and a poem. It's short.
11 December 2007: Music & falling....story of my life.
08 December 2007: Briefly...ish.
29 November 2007: A poem, a rant, a lesson.