You know how when you call or visit someone who's older, the first thing they do is give you the health report? You know, the latest on their ailments - the morning's BM, the arthritis, that cold they had last week, what their doctor said yesterday when they were in for a checkup on the "old ticker," etc. Sometimes, I feel like I'm already there. Lately when someone asks me how I'm doing, my first response is, "Well, the back is doing okay, but now the neck is acting up. The ankle seems to have healed up well, but now I've got this cold, and my ears are all congested. My tendonitis is bugging me, and I think a migraine is coming on..."
I'm not saying it's bad....I'm just noticing. And maybe wondering if it's a bit of a bad sign...
Longing is the core of mystery.
Longing itself brings the cure.
The only rule is, Suffer the pain.
Your desire must be disciplined,
and what you want to happen
in time, sacrificed.
- Rumi
I'm the kind of girl that notices things that don't often get noticed. As I was walking from the train to my house last night, I glanced down an alley towards a car coming my way, and noticed that one of the car's foglights was out. I noticed the wilting lilies in the neighbors garden, the new shrubs planted in the bed beside an apartment building on the corner, the FOP bumper sticker on the little bronze Focus parked in front of my house.
It's not just that these weird, meaningless details register in my brain, it's that I consciously catalog them, folding them into the running commentary going on in my head. And wherever I go, this happens, no matter what I'm looking at. It's actually kind of annoying. On the other hand, I think it's this same habit that helps me see some amazing and unexpected beauty in the world.
Like, Wednesday night around 10 o'clock. I'd just (finally, and with great relish) left a focus group in which I'd participated (more on that momentarily), and was walking down Michigan Avenue, across the Chicago River, to catch the train. On the bridge across the river, suspended in the air among the gorgeous buildings of downtown Chicago, I looked up ahead of me, and framed perfectly between the buildings was the waxing moon, not quite full, but shedding silver light on the already shimmering buildings. There was a glow around her, and it took my breath away. I looked around me, suddenly caught up in my own wonder at the beauty of the city, moonlit at night. The corn-cob towers of Marina City juxtaposed with the stark black lines of the IBM building; the Wrigley Building, classically beautiful, balanced against the gorgeous Gothic stone of the Tribune Building; hotels and office buildings and brightly lit columns of steel and glass lining the river on its winding path through the city....I smiled involuntarily. And then, following the shimmer of city lights and the moonglow down the river out to Lake Michigan, where the fireworks at Navy Pier lit up the sky over the lake with the perfect finale for the whole gorgeous experience.
It took me a moment to shake off the city's spell and continue on my way home.
So, I was part of a focus group. Every now and then, I do these because it's a nice chunk of extra money, and I have an opinion about everything. This time, the money wasn't so easy, and I almost left without getting it.
The group was testing out a charity campaign for a major corporation, and the focus group was made up of women from 20-50. Part of the three hour process involved watching commercials put out by Dove and Girls, Inc.; both involved angles geared towards reinforcing positive self esteem for young girls - they weren't product-pushy or particular on the details, but both included website links for more information.
Now, considering this was a room full of 30 intelligent, relatively successful women, I expected them to be heartened by this refreshing ad campaign that didn't prey on female insecurity, but instead shored up good self esteem. And there were a few who did appreciate the new angle. Shockingly, they were in the minority. Most of the women greeted these commercials with cynicism, anger, or derision. I couldn't believe it.
After listening to various women spew vitriol about the commercial ("it's B.S., it's manipulative, is there even a product, it's smarmy, it plays on our emotions, etc."), I ventured forth the opinion that it was really nice to see a commercial that didn't tell me how fat and ugly I was in order to sell me something that would never actually make me thin and gorgeous, how much I appreciated marketing that fostered self esteeem instead of breaking it down. One chick actually ROLLED HER EYES at me.
I stopped myself from breaking her twiggy arm or punching her overly-made-up face....barely.
I am really just stunned at this experience - how could such smart women be so thoroughly *owned* by the marketing world? Have they so bought the bullshit they've been sold for so long, that they can't even recognize something positive when they see it? Is it possible that someone women still think it's GOOD that the ad industry tells us we should be Barbie dolls? Are they brainswashed, or just stupid??
Or maybe I'm the wacko. Wouldn't be the first time.
Today's playlist:
"She Will Be Loved" - Maroon 5
"You Are So Beautiful" - Joe Cocker
"True Colors" - Cyndi Lauper
"I Will Survive" - Cake covering Gloria Gaynor
"What it Feels Like For a Girl" - Madonna
"You're Not Alone Tonight" - Keith Urban
"In My Time of Need" - Ryan Adams
"Daughters" - John Mayer
"For You" - Duncan Sheik
"Storm" - Lifehouse
"I'm Yours" - Jason Mraz
"Baby I Love You" - Aretha Franklin
"Only Heart" - John Mayer
"Wonderful Tonight" - Eric Clapton
Recent entries...
27 December 2007: 2007: Finis.
17 December 2007: A ruse, a rant, and a poem. It's short.
11 December 2007: Music & falling....story of my life.
08 December 2007: Briefly...ish.
29 November 2007: A poem, a rant, a lesson.