I woke up at 3 and laid there for an hour trying to get back to sleep...no dice. I finally gave up the ghost and decided to play on the internet, in the hopes that I'd get tired and catch a few more zzzzs before work.

So, I do the usual - check the e-mail (nothing exciting since the pre-bedtime check), check the headlines, take a look at my astrological transits - you know, boring and normal stuff. Then I get on myspace and start poking around, looking at profiles for people from my high school. My ten year reunion is coming up, and I'm sort of bunged up about that...debating whether or not I really want to go, what my reasons for that might be, whether I'm still holding onto anger at some of that experience....whether I'm interested in finding out how the people in my class have changed and grown up, or not. It's complex and I'm still working through it all. (Gosh, how refreshing, right?)

Part of me wonders if I'm reluctant because in my mind, my class are still the people I saw them as in high school - people I didn't like, who didn't like me...I mean, not like I was ostracized for being different, but there were some distinct conflicts in my high school experience that taught me - maybe for the first time - that just because you earned it, doesn't mean you get it. That was and continues to be one of the hardest lessons I've ever learned. I guess part of me has always villainized the people I went to high school with for that process - and if I go to this reunion, and see that they're human and decent and capable of change, and that - just like I've evolved into someone less arrogant and tightly-wound, just like I've become more and more comfortable in my skin - they have grown up, too....(ugh, lost in my own circular train of thought)...well, maybe I don't want to give them that, maybe I'd rather keep them the bad guys.

Ow. That is too much self-examination for this early in the morning. My head hurts now.

Recent entries...
27 December 2007: 2007: Finis.
17 December 2007: A ruse, a rant, and a poem. It's short.
11 December 2007: Music & falling....story of my life.
08 December 2007: Briefly...ish.
29 November 2007: A poem, a rant, a lesson.